falling
I didn’t
know what was happening
I only
thought I had lost my footing
falling
I saw
the clear blue sky above me
as
the clouds became smaller and smaller
falling
the
air was leaving my lungs
I couldn’t
call out to you to catch me
falling
became
so peaceful that my fear
vanished
and my mind was at ease
falling
is
the last thing I remembered but you,
my
parachute, opened before impact
- Written for dVerse Meeting the Bar: Repetition
Oh my! I am head over heals for this poem! You tap into the kinesthetic sense here - excellent!
ReplyDeleteI love this, not only great use of repition but such a romantic overture...wouldn't we all love to be caught by the open arms (parachute) as we fall in love.
ReplyDeleteNice...love the ending.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Jilly about the motion you bring to this poem. It's almost enough to give the reader vertigo! You pulled the cord at exactly the right moment.
ReplyDeleteThat last line was a life saver. The repetition works well with the unexpected ending twist.
ReplyDeleteI love this poem, Maria! I love the movement, the impetus of the fall, I gasped when I read the words 'the air was leaving my lungs' and the gentle romance in 'you, / my parachute, opened before impact'.
ReplyDeleteLaughing here - great movement, building tension and then just when it's all over - whammo that last line saves the day - terrific.
ReplyDeleteWow. Wasn't expecting such a reaction for this piece. Honestly I didn't think it was that good. LOL. Thank you everyone for reading and your kind comments.
ReplyDeleteWhew, I'm glad the chute opened. You would have been splattered all over your blog. Thanks for a realistic virtual ride
ReplyDeletesubconsciously knowing there would be a safety net created the sense of peace and acceptance - so love the way this move just falls over me
ReplyDeleteIt was a real fall with a parachute. It is good to have that open. I like the reference to it as "you".
ReplyDeleteIt's not the fall, but the landing that hurts... good to have that parachute
ReplyDeleteTension and release - perfect!
ReplyDeleteWe all fell for this one :)
ReplyDelete(BTW, i titled my poem "fallen" before reading yours)
Utterly brilliant! I so did not see that last line coming! Fabulous write!
ReplyDelete